Involuntary Solitude

God has blessed me with awesome friends. I always adore our time together, but I am also a person that enjoys being alone. Even as a teenager I remember hanging out in my room listening to music or reading a book...fully content with my "aloneness." Now as an adult I try to head out every once in a while by myself and drive, window shop, stop by Hobby Lobby, check out the bookstore, etc. During those times I really enjoy the silence. I enjoy not talking. I enjoy going where I want to go on a whim. But what happens when "aloneness" or solitude occurs in your life outside of your control?

Here is how the Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines solitude:

1 : the quality or state of being alone or remote from society : seclusion
2 : a lonely place (as a desert)

I also liked the synonyms listed:

synonyms solitude, isolation, seclusion mean the state of one who is alone. solitude may imply a condition of being apart from all human beings or of being cut off by wish or circumstances from one's usual associates. isolation stresses detachment from others often involuntarily . seclusion suggests a shutting away or keeping apart from others often connoting deliberate withdrawal from the world or retirement to a quiet life.

On Sunday, July 27th I woke up with a wonderful surprise: PINK EYE!! I was already going to stay home from church due to Shaefer having a fever the night before. She woke up absolutely fine. I woke up with eye cooties. Thus began my two weeks of involuntary solitude. In my personal opinion, time alone is totally different when it's of your own volition! :) I wish I could say that I was pity party free during those 2 weeks of being home bound. I wish I could say that I didn't lose my patience and say some really "mature" things like, "This is SO not fair!" I wish I could say that every minute of those 2 weeks were filled with meaningful conversations with God. But alas...I cannot. I did learn some things about myself that I will share with you a bit later.

I've written many times about our current church home and how God has used the people and the teaching to sharpen us like never before. I had never heard of solitude being taught as a spiritual discipline before coming to 121 Community Church. For those of us raised in some sort of church environment, we probably had the concept of having a daily "quiet time" with God preached week in and week out. The discipline of solitude is different than and in addition to our daily time with God. Solitude is intentionally carving out time to totally unplug ourselves from the noise of the world to spend time with our Creator. It may be just an hour. It may be 4 hours. It may be an entire afternoon. It may be for an entire day. It may be for an entire weekend. The point is this: no phones, no ipods, no T.V., no radio, no distractions. Just you, your Bible, maybe a journal, an open heart and your Father giddy as He awaits your arrival. Please don't get me wrong...daily time with God is vital! I honestly couldn't get through my day without spending time with my Father. Sometimes we just need to unplug and intentionally seek out some peace and quiet.

Are you ready for my list? Here is what I learned about myself:

1. I use shopping (even for bargains) and food to settle my emotions, to fill voids in my heart and to quiet my stress. I couldn't leave my house because I was contagious and I couldn't shop because of our new budget. So now I get to learn how to deal with this stuff the old fashioned way...through hard work.

2. I hug and kiss my family A LOT!! I never realized what a touchy-feely person I was until I couldn't touch them. It made me SO sad! Don't worry...I made up for it as soon as I was cootie free.

3. I place unspoken expectations on people around me and get upset when they don't meet those expectations. I am setting them up to fail. Very sad, but I am working on it!

4. My family & friends bring so much life to me! I missed them terribly when I was stuck in my house. I couldn't see their bright faces. Our kids couldn't play together. We couldn't attempt to have a conversation while our kids played together. (All you moms know what I'm talking about...it takes the entire 3 hour time slot to finish one simple conversation!) I never want to take them for granted. I WANT to spend time with them. I NEED to spend time with them. The other stuff can wait...relationships can't...and shouldn't.

5. God revealed some "bratiness" in my heart. It sucks. I am working on it.

I think I may try this whole solitude thing out again. Hopefully I can carve out the time myself and not have to wait for more cooties to attack my body.

Have you ever taken time out to unplug? What was it like? What did you learn?